


Always Been Yours

by megmeg654



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 5 year time jump, AU, Baby, Dad - Freeform, F/M, Foster Dad, Mom - Freeform, Music, Pregnancy, small town
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26371759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megmeg654/pseuds/megmeg654
Summary: Five years ago Sandor Clegane left his blushing bride to be heartbroken at the alter, and became The Hound- a Grammy winning musician who can’t help but try to drink the memories of his old life away.When he hears of the tragic death of his old foster brother, Theon, The Hound finally comes home with his tail between his legs. Only to find that this small tight knit town, kept a secret from him, a secret that wouldn’t have been if he had only come home sooner. The town is ferocious in its duty to protect his former flame, Sansa- and the little girl hidden behind her legs. Could Sandor really have missed this much in five years? And will his regret at the choice he made all those years ago matter to the love of his life after all this time?(Based on the move Forever My Girl, but with our favorite Westerosi characters)
Relationships: Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark
Comments: 46
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

Sandor woke to the sound of bare feet slamming across the floor outside his room- his hangover making every sound reverberate in his skull.

“Oh my god... you’re awake! The _Hound_ has arisen, my friends won’t actually believe I slept with you I-“ The woman kept talking, but all he could feel was pain, and confusion. Sandor must have been so drunk after his performance last night, he couldn’t remember bringing this girl back to his hotel room.   
  
“Could you please just shhh....” he motioned to his lips, praying whoever this girl was that she would shut up. The sun filtered in to burn his eyes as he looked at the girl in front of him.

To smiley.

To blonde.   
To...

Not _her._

Every girl he had been with since... _that_ day, Sandor would compare to his first love.

And if he was being completely honest with himself- only love. And none of them could hold a candle to that girl. Not even close.

“Oh of course Hound, I’ll be quiet...” she stopped her incessant blabbering for all of ten seconds before she started up again, “but if you want a round two I would definitely be down for that!”

Her attempt at a seductive purr only made Sandor wonder what he had been thinking inviting this girl back with him.

“Look, this has been great M...” 

_Her name started with an M... That much he knew- Maggie? Meg? Milly?  
  
_

_“_ It’s Melissa.” She scoffed at him, obviously pissed he did t know her name.

“Melissa, I had a great time, but I got a lot of work to do so if you could... Y’know, leave that would be even better.” He knew he was being an asshole, but this happened every time he brought some random girl back- he would wake up and regret the night before.   
“Ummm okay. Should I give you my number? Or...”

Sandor slowly got up and pulled a pair of sweats over his hips before guiding her by her back to the door, “Yknow, I think maybe not.”

The girl stopped right before she was at the door with a scoff, “Are you kidding me? Just like that?”

Sandor nodded his head getting ready for the inevitable insults that would be flung in his direction- about how he was a dick, freak, how his music couldn’t make up for his scarred up face. No matter how much reconstructive surgery he had, back when he was a kid- and again when he got famous, people always tried to use his scars against him.   
They said it all every time he escorted him out of his hotel, but the door would still come slamming shut.   
And that’s how it ended for this girl, Melissa or whatever- with a door slamming shut in her face. But at least he finally had some peace and quiet.   
Or at least he had some for a few minutes, when his phone started ringing- his manager Davos trying to get ahold of him.   
  


_“Hey kid, good your finally up. We’re finally on the back end of our tour, only the Riverlands left, yeah?”_

Sandor nodded along, barely listening and turning on the tv while his manager drones on. He had muted to the tv and closed his eyes trying to get a little extra sleep, when someone knocked on his door. Assuming it was room service, Sandor chose to ignore it- but something caught his eye on the muted tv.

A photo of a man, he had one known.

Sandor scrambled for the remote, fully ignoring Davos at this point- and finally turned the sound back on.

_Theon Greyjoy, an aspiring young politician, was killed in a mugging that is still currently being investigated. We have not confirmed the story yet, but it is believed Mr Greyjoy had been in Winter Town, a city not far from his home town, for his newly formed charity- one that hoped to help foster kids across the country. He is survived by...._

Sandor couldn’t hear anymore- the image of the little kid chasing behind him and Robb, fresh in his mind. Theon and Bronn has been his foster brothers, a pack of unwanted outcasts that were taken in by the local preacher. Elder Brother was what they called him- but he had been Dad to Sandor. Or at least he had been- who knows what his Dad thought of him after not hearing from Sandor after all these years.   
And now his brother was gone.   
Gone. And all Sandor could think about was his home town, what everyone must be going through. The small town of Winterfell was a close, tight knit group- a group he had been a part of- a giant family.   
But Sandor had left them all behind. Had left _her_ behind- his Sansa. Had left her on their wedding day, he had been 24 and she had been 20. And instead of thinking about how much he loved his childhood sweetheart, Sandor only thought about himself.   
A selfish asshole.

Only thought about his own career- about how much Sansa wanted to be a real family, and it scared Sandor. So much so he ran away to Kings Landing after getting a call from Tywin Lannister with an opportunity to further his music career.   
_“Sandor! Sandor? Are you there? I’ve been taking and you just don’t listen- you never listen! This is serious shit, you can’t just keep fucking up your life- I care about you, man. And this isn’t healthy-“_ Sandor cut him off, barely hearing what the old man had been taking about.   
“My.... my- my brother...” He couldn’t finish, couldn’t say it out loud- because then it would be real.

“ _Your brother? I didn’t know you had a brother! What are you talking about-“_

“My foster brother, he just.... he’s gone. He’s dead. I can’t-“

There was a giant pause, both men quiet for a long time- both thinking about what to say. “ _Oh Sandor.... man, I’m sorry. If you need time- take it. I’ll deal with Lannister. You need to take of yourself, man.”_

Sandor couldn’t agree more, before grabbing a bottle of Jack and nothing more than the clothes on his back, then asking his driver to take take him home.

He was going back to Winterfell, no matter how much he knew they didn’t want him.

Sandor was going home. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a small chapter:  
> \- Theons funeral   
> \- small Sansa feature  
> \- who’s that little girl  
> \- the towns hatred

Sandor watched as people dressed in black, solemnly walked into the church, his Dads church. The church Sandor had been about to get married in, the church that he had cursed at as a young angry teen. The church that he and his brothers attended every Sunday as kids- it had been here that almost every big moment in his young life had happened. Sandor had even met Sansa here, he had been an angry fourteen year old, and Sansa- well she had just been some annoying little ten year old at the time.   
This place had come to mean a lot over the years, and Sandor couldn’t bare to walk in there and see Theon laying in some casket. Couldn’t sullen the _holy_ ground- Sandor had never been a big believer, but this particular place was special. And here he was looking like an idiot, Sandor hadn’t left with any other clothes, so not only was he an idiot- but a disrespectful idiot. To show up to the funeral of his brother in jeans and a T-shirt.   
Sandor was disgusted with himself, everyone seemed to be inside and he couldn’t seem to make himself step across the threshold. Couldn’t make himself see that- see everyone, see his Dad, see Theon.   
And though he wouldn’t admit it, he was afraid Sansa might be inside- this not seeming like the best place to reunite. In the very same place where he had abandoned her. Sandor was a coward.

This much he knew.

All he could do was listen, Sandor sat on the steps, hearing his Father's voice after all this time was soothing, yet it hurt at the same time. As he could hear the heartbreak in his Dads voice, he had just lost a son. Yet still, he lead his congregation- guiding the community in the whole towns grief.   
Sandor slip his cap down his head, getting ready to slip in and hopefully go unnoticed when a body ran straight into his own.   
He looked down into eyes he knew. Blue eyes that had been burned into his memories for more than a decade- Sansa.

Shock. It was all he saw at first, then a simmering anger that turned her baby blues into deep ocean waves- before they slid down towards something below her.   
Sandor followed her eyes, and saw a little girl holding onto her hand. His eyes flashed back up to Sansa’s- a million thoughts ran though his mind she spoke up.

“Excuse us.” Sansa shoved past him, while the little girl almost ran to keep up. Both of them in little black dresses- all Sandor could think about was, what happened while he was gone? Did she meet someone new? Sandor had never really been around kids that young, so the kid could have been anywhere from three to five years old he didn’t know!   
Had she really moved on that fast? Sandor knew she wanted a family of her own, but had she forgotten about him already?   
He certainly never stopped loving her.   
Never.   
But he had left his Sansa- and only he could take responsibility for that, and even though she’d probably had a kid with some other bloke, Sandor couldn’t deny the fact that he still wanted her. Still loved her. Shocked himself that the thought of having Sansa meant the kid came along with her didn’t disgust him, was even more mind boggling.   
His eyes trailed after the two girls, watching where they took their seats, spotting a mess of curls get up to let them in. And all he could think, was this the guy? Sandor saw the two whispering to each other, when the guy turned to look at the entrance- Sandor was shocked yet again when he saw it wasn’t some baby daddy, he would inevitably want to fight. It was her cousin, Jon- and the hatred in his eyes when he spotted him should have been the first clue.... 

This town wasn’t going to be all too friendly when they found out Sandor was back- and he would have to get ready to feel the stares and whispers that would follow. The whispers about the young man that had broken the heart of the towns beloved angel, Sansa Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter   
> \- more SanSan   
> \- things from Sansas POV  
> \- the town reacting to Sandor’s betrayal  
> \- family loyalty  
> \- elder brother (dad)


	3. Chapter 3

It was his eyes she saw first, even at 10 those deep grey pools caught her attention. She had told him he had stormy eyes back then, and they were exactly the same then as they were now.   


Even though almost nothing else was the same as it was back when she was a kid. His height was the same, Sandor was still just as big- but everything else was so very different. This Sandor had his gigantic arms covered in tattoos, even his scars were different from the last time she saw him- like he went and got more surgeries to fix what was his largest insecurity. His hair was short, his clothes were different- but his eyes, those were the same.

The same eyes she had fallen in love with, the same eyes that proposed to her, the same eyes that held so many promises of their future together. 

Sansa had been running late to the service as Ellie was having a hard time understanding how serious this was- when she ran straight into a wall. Or at least what she thought had been a wall, until she looked up, up, up into those grey eyes she had known since she was a child. 

Eyes that she still saw everyday in her daughter. 

Thinking she was back in one of her dreams all she wanted in that split second was for him to hold her- then reality came rushing back and her own eyes hardened remembering who he really was. 

Not her Sandy. 

This was the Hound, no matter how familiar his eyes seemed- Sansa didn’t know _this_ man. Not anymore.  
She had rushed past him, so distracted she barely saw Jon get up and motion her in the pew.   
“He’s here, Jon.” Sansa motioned her head toward the door and watched Jon whip his head around. The look of heated anger stayed on his face throughout the service, and inwardly Sansa was upset as well- it was so _Sandor_ to show up on such a sad day and distract her from what was really important.

She couldn’t fully blame him- he’d been gone so long she had almost forgot that Theon had been his brother and not just her own. The rest of the day had essentially flew by, Sansa could hardly remember getting home- it was all a blur of people asking about _the gall of that man, does he have no shame?_ She hated it as much as they did, but couldn’t they just shut up?

——————————————

Sandor could feel the heat, not from the weather- as it was the north it was pretty frosty, another word that fit the mood of town right now. Frosty looks aimed towards him, whispers behind his back and in front of his face- all of them talking about ’ _that’s him! That’s the guy who left Sansa at the alter. What a dickwad....’_

It only made him want to talk to Sansa more, to try to smooth out what he had done.   
And the people of Winterfell weren’t of any help, Sandor was sure of it since none of them would say a word in regards to Sansa- and he had asked.

‘Excuse me, ma’am do you know where I might find Sansa Stark?’   
‘Fuck off.’   
‘Hello, can you tell me where Sansa Stark is, or where she works?’

‘In your dreams , asshole.’   
It was a humbling experience, knowing for sure the whole town preferred Sansa Stark to himself. It wasn’t shocking- as he probably like Sansa more than he liked himself at the moment.   
With his head in his hands, Sandor say on a bench in the heart of town- ready to just buck up and ask his Dad. He was ready to do it when he saw her, her beautiful face strolling through town, smiling at old men, greeting people before opening the door to _Bud’s & Roses. _Sandor could remember going in there all the time as if it was yesterday, greeting her after her shift was over in high school.   
Almost as if he had no control over his body, Sandor followed her in, the smell of hundreds of different flowers hitting him straight in the face.   
And there she was, laughing with a customer, hearing the twinkle of the bell her eyes shifted towards him- her smile faltered for a moment before plastering it back on.   
Sandor was mesmerized, everything about her was the same, but so different at the same time- she was new, someone he was sure he didn’t know anymore and yet knew her to the bones.

His stupid mouth started flapping before he knew what he was doing, “Sansa-“

At the counter her eyes flashed towards him, “I’m with a customer right now. Have some respect.”

Sandor was back to being a kid-chastised thoroughly he nodded his head, “Right, of course. Sorry Old Nan.”

“It’s ma’am to you, young man.” The old bitty snapped at him. Another townie who hated him through and through.

Sandor nodded at her, “Yes, ma’am.” 

She turned back towards the counter with her purse in hand and muttered under her breath, “Idiot.”   
And Sandor couldn’t agree more. He was an idiot. An idiot who stood there and watched as Sansa left with a smile to help Old Nan to her car and came back with a frown on her pretty face. “How can I help you, sir?”

His throat bobbed and Sandor knew he was sweating a mile a minute, “I um... I’d like to buy some flowers for Theon.”

Her face softened at that, before hardening once again, “Alright, what kind?”

“Um....” Sandor blew out his cheeks, not liking this game of pretend, “I just- Sansa I’m sorry.”

Sansa scoffed at him before picking up a boquet of peonies before waking behind the counter, “What is there to be sorry about, sir? Let me just right you up.”   
Frustration rolled through him, this was harder than he thought it would be. Sandor had thought it would be emotions and anger being thrown at him, instead it was just this infuriating indifference that bothered him more than tears ever could.   



	4. Chapter 4

Sandor would have to try something different, go for a different tactic, try to be casual maybe? He watched as Sansa aggressively typed on the register, before flipping it towards himself.   
He didn’t want to put his card in yet, then he would have to leave- “So.... you still work here, huh?”

It was the wrong thing to say, and he knew it the instant it was out of his mouth.

Sansa scoffed at him, before angrily wrapping his peonies in newspaper and shoving it in his arms, “What? You think your justified in leaving then?”

Where did she get that?

”That things never change? You think I’m just _stuck_ here? No- I want to be here!” She was yelling at this point, and only seemed to have more to say, “I love my home! I love this town! So yeah, I put down some roots here.” Sansa’s chest was heaving at this point and Sandor almost proffered this anger to not getting any sort of reaction from her, this he could understand.   
Even if she was wrong, “ _And_ I don’t just work here, asshole. I own this place.”

Despite all they had been through, Sandor was proud of her, knowing this was a dream of hers she had thought about, “Really? That’s great, I’m so hap-“

“Shocking, is it?” No, no, no- she was putting words in his mouth. He didn’t say that.

“No! No, I would never imply-“ she cut him off yet again.

“Right! Cause your such a _saint._ My bad.” Sansa left from behind the counter, moving around to angrily get things done, things were shoved around aggressively and moved from one place to another for no apparent reason.

“Sansa... Just let me-“

Sansa spun around on him, closer than he thought she’d be as he was following her around the store, “Don’t. Just don’t... I don’t want to hear it, okay? Whatever your here to say, just say it. I’m ready.”   
  
“Look, I know I fucked up. I just... I want to talk.” Sansa shook her head at him before sitting down near the counter and waving him on.

“Then talk, and be done with it.“ Now that she was ready to talk, Sandor’s mind went blank- he couldn’t think.   
What should he say? What does she want to hear? Should he just go for it, or be casual?

So instead he went for stupid.

Because that’s just who he is.

“So... you have a daughter?”

Instantly her face got harder, before she huffed and nodded, “Yeah. What about it?”

Her walls were up, obviously this wasn’t something Sansa wanted to talk about- but he pushed on. “It’s nice. I know... I know you always wanted to be a mom. He’s a lucky guy.” It hurt you say it, but Sandor knew what manners were- so he tried his best despite how much he hated it. Before going for the real question he wanted to hear: who did he have to beat up?

“He from around here?” Sansa saw right through him and scoffed at his casual attempt. “You really askin about boyfriends?   
For the first time in years, Sandor felt his cheeks turn an awful shade of red- he was embarrassed. Sansa had always been able to read him, even when he didn’t like it.   
He had been about to respond when a squeaky little voice cut him off, “Momma!”   
Sandor looked towards the entrance to see Sansa’s little girl come barreling in, with Margaery Tyrell hot on her heels with her own little tyke in hand. Completely ignoring him before talking to her friend.  
“Sorry San, she insisted.” Sansa plastered that smile back on her face before waving her friend off, “Hey, sweet pea! How was school?”

The little girl was swept into Sansa’s arms, and Sandor studied the pair as the little one talked all about preschool that day. Sandor couldn’t deny the fluttery feeling in his gut at seeing Sansa like this, all he could think about was about how this could have been his family if he had only stayed.   
And the little girl shifted in her arms he saw the slight auburn tones in the kids dark hair, her slate grey eyes reminding him of something he couldn’t place. Only making him think he might know the guy who got her pregnant. Probably some schmuck from high school moved in the instant he left. Sandor hated the idea.   
Sansa put the girl down before suggesting to both the girl and Marge that they go buy a treat from the bakery down the street.

Marge shook her head when Sansa insisted on paying for it, while the little girl studied him.

“Who’re you, mister?”   
The voice threw him off, not expecting to actually speak to Sansa’s offspring, but being happy to do so.

Sandor looked straight at her and shockingly, didn’t see the little girl flinch- “I’m uh... I’m a friend of your Ma’s. I’m Sandor. What’s your name, sugar?”   
He could almost feel the stress pouring off Sansa, but kept his eyes forward on the little girl.   
“My names Ellie, mister. E-L-L-I-E. I can spell.” Sandor was so a shocked, he almost swallowed his tongue.   
Ellie.   
“Ellie?” He looked towards Sansa and saw tears rimming her eyes, her breath was coming in faster and faster, “Well that is a very pretty name, Ellie. How ol-“

Sansa cut them both off, “Alright I think it’s time to go get that cupcake miss missy, huh?”

But that name. _Ellie. Elinor._ She was the only person he had ever told about his sister. And Sansa would just name some other bloke’s kid after his sister, right?   
It had to mean something, so he wouldn’t let Sansa brush it off.

Sandor knelt in front of Ellie, really looking at her one more time, “Just one quick minute.”

The tension in the room was palpable, Sansa was stressed, Sandor was uncovering a secret, and Marge was watching an obviously private moment.   
“How old are you, sugar?”

Sandor didn’t need to hear it, he knew- the closer he looked at her the more he saw. The more of himself he saw.

Ellie held up four fingers.

And he was right.

And shocked. Sandor barely saw Sansa rush them out, only hearing _his_ little girl say goodbye.

“Ellie, huh?”

Sansa didn’t answer, only nodded her head in response before grabbing his flowers and trying to push him out the door.   
“She’s cute.” That got a reaction.

”No- she’s beautiful. And she’s mine.” The tears that had been brimming earlier slowly slipped down, before she quickly brushed it off.

“Is she... she’s mine, isn’t she?” Sansa’s eyes turned steel at the implication he had anything to do with it.

“Your an idiot, okay? No, she’s not yours. She’s mine, she’ll always be _mine.”_ Her breath quickened before she continued, “Sure, we may have made together- but you didn’t want her, and you certainly didn’t want me.”

His eyebrows furrowed, what was she saying? He didn’t know! So he said as much.

“What? What are you talking about? I didn’t know... if I had known I would’ve-“ before he could continue a scoff cut him off.   
“ _Right._ Can you just go... I don’t want to talk to you right now, Sandor.” 

And in that moment he let himself be shoved out the door, hearing _her_ say his name after all these years , brought back so much. And he almost couldn’t breath, with all it brought up, and all that he had learned in the last hour.


	5. Chapter 5

Sandor slammed the door closed, ready to lay into the next person he saw- his walk home giving him time to think about how much he had missed. How much he didn’t know.   
He was mad about how much his _family_ hadn’t told him. Sandor had a daughter. His girl was four years old- and if Marge’s reaction to this particular ‘revelation’ was any indication, the whole town new that Ellie was his daughter as well.   
Which meant his Dad knew, and Bronn- and all of them kept it from him. So in conclusion Sandor was ready for a fight, which was why he was so upset when he saw that no one was home. Stomping up the steps of his old home, Sandor stopped when he got to his room. So many memories of his former life slapped him in the face as he opened his old door-

Everything was exactly the same as he left it, Dad must not have touched it at all- it was as if his wedding was yesterday. All of it reminded him of Sansa- his football trophies reminded him of Sansa cheering her head off in the stands, his Tim McGraw posters reminded him of singing to Sansa in the back of his truck. Hell it even seemed to smell like Sansa- he wasn’t sure if that was just his imagination or his bedroom clinging on the life that once was.   
Everything in this bedroom was him and Sansa, years of love between the two of them happened in this house- and all it did was remind him of how many years he’d missed out on little Ellie’s life.   
Ellie.

They had been in this room when he told Sansa about his sister, about his brother- about what he had done to Sandor’s face. About how Elinor had tried to save him and gotten herself killed in the process. Sansa had only been seventeen at the time, and he had gone out with Robb and Bronn for his twenty first birthday- he had come back drunk and stupid. Only to see Sansa in his kitchen with Theon and his Dad, they hadn’t gotten together at that point- but it didn’t stop Sandor from getting jealous. Jealous of Theon of all people, he drunkenly stomped up the stairs- and Sansa followed him. Only for Sandor to yell and try to scare her, but she stayed anyway- and eventually he told her... everything.   
It wasn’t long after that they got together, even though Sandor felt like a perv for dating a seventeen year old- Ned and Cat gave their seal of approval.   
All of this came rushing back in a matter of seconds, and it only made Sandor angry- so angry he tore that room apart. Every poster and trophy and stupid notes that reminded him of Sansa- and it didn’t change anything. Sandor still felt awful.   
So awful he went looking for the only thing he knew would make him feel better- alcohol.

Sandor came stumbling down the steps ready to look for the wine he knew the preacher man had in the upper cabinets, only to find his brother sitting at the table like nothing was wrong.   
He stood there for a while, waiting for Bronn to say something, “Well, you gonna say something or what?”

Bronn kept his eyes on the paper in front of him, before raising his cup of coffee to his lips, “What are you lookin to hear, Sandor?”  
Sandor scoffed, “How bout an apology, man. I just found out I have a daughter- about five years later than I should’ve. You are supposed to be my brother, what the fuck?”

Bronn hadn’t responded to anything he had said before, but by the end of his little speech- he put his cup down and slowly stood up. Though Bronn wasn’t nearly as tall or broad as Sandor, he knew from experience that his brother was better than decent in a fight if that was what he wanted.   
Though he didn’t want to fight Bronn, Sandor couldn’t deny that the idea of a fight made him happier than he’d been in a few days- regardless of who it was with.   
Instead of what he’d expected, Bronn shook his head with a laugh after sizing him up, “Your brother? I’m supposed to be _your_ brother? What about my brother, hm? Where was _my_ brother?”   
All the fight he had in him deflated at that, the idea that he had actually hurt Bronn- was not a feeling he enjoyed.   
“You didn’t just leave Sansa that day! You left me. You left Pop! You left us all! So don’t talk to me about being a good brother. Cause you sure as shit haven’t been anything close to a brother in years.”

Sandor rubbed at his eyes, these past few days had been filled with lectures that he rightfully deserved, but god- he didn’t want to hear anymore. Didn’t want to hear about how much he had hurt everyone he knew and loved- all because he was a coward.   
Damn it! Sandor already knew he was a coward- he didn’t need to hear it from everyone else...

“When you left, you didn’t say anything- to anyone. You were just gone. No goodbye, no nothing- not to Sansa, not to me, not to Pop- you left with no word. And none of us knew where you’d went, if you were okay- no one knew what’d happened. All you left was that stupid ‘I’m sorry’ note to San, but none of us knew if you were even alive until a few months later when we saw your ugly mug on the cover of some awful magazine.“

Everything Bronn was saying was true, and sandor knew it- but it was still hard to hear.

“So if your looking for some apology for not finding some way to tell you about Ellie- you won’t get one. Not from me anyhow, what you did- that’s not how you treat a brother. You left this whole town to pick up the pieces of Sansa you left behind, she’s more family to me now than you’ve been in a long time. So if I have to choose, I’ll choose her. I’ll choose _my_ sister and _my_ niece. You didn’t marry her that day, but she was part of our family long before that.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know it seems like a lot of Sandor bashing, and I still have his talk with Elder brother to get through, but I just wanted to make sure Sandor was understanding how bad his decision to leave was- and how many people it affected. But I couldn’t fit his talk with dad in this chapter, so after the next one it’ll be a lil more fluff(maybe)   
>  Idk why I’m in such an angsty mood lol


	6. Chapter 6

That was how Dad found him, with his head in his hands, in Bronn’s old seat- Sandor looked up as his old man came through the door. The face that greeted him, was one of disappointment- and Sandor almost couldn’t take anymore. Not from his Dad- he knew he had fucked up, but to hear it from someone as important as Pop was something else.   
“Look if your here to tell me how terrible I am, and how much you hate me- I’ve already heard it. I heard it from Sansa, I heard it from Bronn- I just really can’t here it from you, Pop. Jesus I need a drink... You got anything?” Elder Brother shook his head before moving around the kitchen, getting his own cup of coffee.   
“Nope, this here is a dry house, you’ll have to go lookin for Bronn’s stash- I know he keeps it around here somewhere. ” He took a sip of his coffee before continuing, “I don’t think your terrible, and I could never hate you. You are my son, and I love you.”

Sandor really looked at the man who raised him, truly seeing how much he had aged in five short years. The stress of Sandor leaving, Ellie and Sansa, and now Theon- he was tired. He could tell. Pop didn’t have to say it- Sandor knew.

Not wanting to have to make the old man wait any longer- he said it, “Then how could you not tell me, Pop?”   
Elder Brother let out a big sigh, knowing this would hard and long, “I love that little girl, and I love Sansa like she’s my own daughter. But I did tell you, it was right after Ellie was born- I went to see you at one of your concerts.”

Sandor stared at him shocked, not remembering it in the slightest. “You came?”

He nodded his head, “I did, and you were amazing to see on that stage- and you were a drunk. But you were still my son, so I waited backstage until some manager guy or something came to talk to me... Lannister was his name, I think- he was a real dick.”

Tywin Lannister was a dick, but Sandor still couldn’t believe his father had come all the way to Kings Landing to see him.

“I told him I was your father. That I had to talk to you, that it was extremely important- so he said he’d go get to you.” Sandor knew anything Tywin had said couldn’t have been good, as it must have been early in his career when Lannister would still come to his gigs. 

“He came back out almost half an hour later, saying you didn’t want to see me, that you left out the back to avoid me. And thats when I knew, I knew Sansa was right- you had changed. That drunk I saw on stage wasn’t the son that I had raised, so I left. Told myself if there was any part of my son left, he would have the balls to pick up the phone and call his old man.“ The old man was getting choked up at this point, almost ready to cry, “Apparently I was wrong- you avoided our little town like it was the plague. AndI just couldn’t understand why you left her- left us all. Sansa was a good girl, and she loved the hell out of you, _and_ she supported your dream. She knew you wanted to be a musician, and wanted you to pursue that. Sansa knew how talented you were, and she never would have wanted to hold you back in any way- hell she told me that herself when she was only eighteen. And yet- you still left.“ He was right, Sansa had been more than supportive- and it only made tears come to Sandor’s eyes. He wanted to tell him.   
He had to tell someone after all this time. The guilt was weighing on him. 

“I just didn’t get it. I didn’t get why you left, if you told me it was because you didn’t think you’d get your chance here in Winterfell- I would have understood. I would’ve respected that. But instead you took the cowards way out and left all of us without a word. I should have listened to Sansa after she came back, but of course I was too damn stubborn, and had to see for myself.” Both of the men at the table were crying at this point- that stupid manly cry, where you try to wipe them away before they get too far. 

But Sandor was still confused, “What are you talking about? Sansa came with you?”

“No, she went out to see you when she was 5 months or so- she called everyday, left message after message- until finally she went to see you in person. She came back and said that when the bouncers saw some crazy eyed pregnant lady, begging to be let in- they let her through.” Fear ran through Sandor- fear at not knowing, not remembering, wondering what he had said, what he had done.   
“Apparently she told you, just like I did. And you laughed, and asked her if she had the pills you ordered. You mistook her for a drug dealer. Sansa came home and said she didn’t know the Hound. That _he_ wasn’t Sandor anymore. She told me she didn’t want a man like that, near her or her kid.” Sandor’s head hit the table, thinking how fucked up it must have been for Sansa to see that.   
But apparently there was more, “Sansa thought that if you couldn’t see how desperate she was to talk to you, how important it was that she called that many times- than you didn’t deserve to know at all. I agreed with her, but I had to see for myself- and you know how that went.”

His Dad got up and moved his chair closer before putting an arm around his shoulders, “Despite all of that, Sandor- I still love you. And I can tell something is burdening you- let me help shoulder that weight, son. Tell me... tell me, why? Why did you leave?”   
  


The weight of his secret was heavy- something that started at his birth, something that he hadn’t even told the full truth to Sansa... And after all this time he wanted to say it, wanted to stop carrying it all alone.

So he did.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter...... why he left the day of the wedding!!!!!  
> Why do you think Sandor left?  
> I would love to hear your theories!!


	7. Chapter 7

“Do you know about me? Did they..... did they tell you what my brother did?“ Elder Brother tried to school his reaction, Sandor had never spoken a word about his past to him before, so he shook his head.

“Social services gave me a file, yes. But it didn’t really go into it- only that you had trauma...”

Sandor gave a scoff before continuing, “I was the youngest of three kids. My sister, Elinor was 16- and Gregor was only a year younger. I was about 7 or 8 when it happened. I had been playing with a toy, I thought it was mine- I was wrong. Gregor beat me for it, and I thought it was done. But again- I was wrong, Elinor and I had been sitting by the fire trying to get warm, when Gregor casually walked in and shoved my face into the coals.”

Sandor heard his father gasp- and knew it was a shock to hear. Most people looked at him and thought he’d had some terrible accident- but to know this had been done on purpose, was hard to process.

“I screamed- boy did I scream, and I think Elinor was shocked at first. But then she tried to stop him, called the police, yelled for the neighbors, hit him, yelled at him, she screamed- but he was strong. Gregor’s had always been strong, when he doesn’t want to move- you can’t make him. But eventually he lost interest in me, that’s when he grabbed her- started beating her.” Sandor had to stop and breath for a moment, knowing what comes next. What always came next in his nightmares.

“She was dead by the time the cops got there, and I was only barely alive. He went to juvie, then jail. But when I was eighteen, I got a call.”

Elder Brother’s eyes furrowed, he hadn’t known this- Sandor had still been living under his roof at eighteen.

“From some lawyers, they said Gregor had a meeting with the parole board. They asked to be a character witness against him- to show them what he’d done. What he could do again. So I testified and they denied his request. No parole.“ Watching Sandor talk about this, his whole demeanor got smaller, as if he were becoming younger the more he spoke about it. As if the scared, young boy he had been, while living with Gregor was sitting right before him.   
  
It was terrifying.

“Gregor was so mad... He threatened to kill me, threatened to kill everyone I loved- anyone I had ever talked to. And I believed him. I knew he could do it. I was so afraid- I hired a personal investigator just to keep an eye on him, and I never told anybody about it. Not you, not Sansa- no one.”   
At that Sandor stood up, turned his back on his Dad- and looked straight out the window above the sink. His grip on the tiles was deadly- because Sandor couldn’t look at him for this part.

“A few years Gregor put in a second request, and some stupid sympathetic parole board thought that he had been in custody since he was about 15, and that he deserved the chance to show that he had redeemed himself. That _he_ could be an upstanding member of the community- if given the chance. So they let him go.“

Elder Brother’s mouth dropped- they had let that _thing_ back into society? After what he had done? To Sandor? To his sister? The meaning of that name, only going to show how much closer Sansa and Sandor had been- and how much Elder Brother hadn’t known.

“I got that call the night before our wedding, and I was so afraid- I hadn’t been that scared since he fucked up my face. Because I knew- if he found me, I’d he found any of you. Anybody I loved- he would kill them. And I couldn’t just let that happen.” Finally Sandor turned back around, with tears running down his face- Elder Brother wanted to embrace him, but knew he wasn’t done.

“And yes- I had gotten a call from Tywin Lannister, but it had weeks before. I had told him no, I turned _him_ down because I was happy with my life. But after my PI called me, I thought I had to protect you all- I couldn’t let it happen again. And looking back now- I know I was stupid, that shouldn’t have left. But I was twenty four, and the instant any one said the word ‘Gregor’- suddenly I was kid again. Afraid. So I let my fear take me as far away from anyone I loved, so Gregor couldn’t hurt them.”

“So I went to Kings Landing. I went by the Hound, and swore to myself I would never, ever talk about this town- never say anything to give you away. I drank and practically put myself in a coma just so I didn’t have to think about how Gregor had taken another family away from me. But I would let him hurt this one- not this time.”  


He wanted to protest- tell Sandor it didn’t have to be this way, that they would have figured it out. But it had happened, and words wouldn’t change it.

“About a year ago or so I got a call that he had been runnin with a bad crowd and got himself killed, and I was so happy I thought _finally_ I can come home. But then all I could think about was that none of you wanted me there, after what I had done, how I had left- I wouldn’t have wanted me back.So I kept drinking, kept singing- but I always thought about y’all. I always dreamt about home. About Sansa. I was a fool, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing.“

  
“I left because I’m still a coward, I’m a grown man and I was _still_ afraid- after all that time of what he could do to Sansa, to you, to my family.... So I got as far away as I possibly could and I never talked about home or anything cause I was afraid he would somehow find out and come for you, all just to get back at me.”

A coward?

Thats what he thought about himself? Elder brother rubbed his eyes- and felt the guilt... He had called Sandor a coward not too long ago. That wasn’t right. That wasn’t true.

  
“You’re wrong.”

Sandor looked at him, “What?”

“You’re not a coward. And being afraid of someone who had hurt you that savagely is not being a coward- you were right to be afraid of him.“ His years as a pastor were coming in handy at the moment, helping him think of what to say. How to help his son.

“Being afraid does not make you a coward. Cowardice is not fear, it is the actions one takes after fear is upon them. So no- I don’t think you were a coward. Maybe some of your actions have been a bit cowardly, but your my son- and I don’t think a coward is who you really are.“

Sandor swallowed before slowly nodding his head, finally feeling how heavy this whole day had been.

“Why don’t you head up to your room, take a load off, we’ll figure this out- I promise.” His old man trying to find a way to help him in this moment.

“Can I uh- can I borrow your room? Mine is a bit messy at the moment...” Sandor thought of the mess he had left in his old room, how he had destroyed it. And how many memories were still living in that room, and wanted to avoid it at the moment.

“Sure... whatever you need, son.”

Elder Brother watched as his son walked up the stairs with a sluggishness, that could only have come from how awful their conversation had been. Hell- even he was feeling it too.

So much so he had to take a breather outside to get some of his emotions out- the old man opened his back door, ready to walk out.   
He stopped right where he stood- seeing a casserole dish sitting on the front porch. A dish that he had loaned to Sansa last week- a dish she said she’d be returning sometime soon.   
And Elder Brother couldn’t help but wonder how much she had heard, and selfishly hoped for his sons sake- if she did hear that this might help cool things off between the former sweethearts.


	8. Chapter 8

Sansa woke up thinking about what she had heard the night before, her feelings on the whole situation scrambling her stomach like a blender- on the one hand feeling like a snoop who encroached on a personal moment. While at the same time feeling some sort of justification in listening in on something that had everything to do with Sandor and herself. She was conflicted about what she _felt,_ and what she knew she should be feeling.   
But before she could dive to far into her emotions, Sansa heard the unmistakeable sound of little feet hitting floorboards- knowing Ellie liked to barge in and scare her awake.   
“Boo! Ughh... Dang it, your not supposed to be awake!” The little girl, lived for scaring people- Halloween being her favorite holiday. One that she took extremely serious, with decorating starting in early September, and not taking them down until after Thanksgiving- when we would start decorating for Christmas.   
And absolutely no cutesy costumes for her little girl, since the first time she was able to choose- she’d always wanted to dress like a ghost or vampire.

No princesses here.

She didn’t know for sure- but Sansa was almost positive it was her Aunt Arya that got her into all that scary stuff. Sounded like something her sister would do.

“Well I am sorry miss Missy, but today is just not your day- I guess you’ll just have to try again tomorrow...”

Ellie’s competitive smile crept up, “I’ll get ya tomorrow, I will!”

Sansa got up with a smile and felt her little girl following her to the kitchen, “Well, I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“I will! You’ll see. And you’re gonna be _sooo_ scared... I’ll bet you’ll pee your pants!” She stomped her foot before moving to sit at the table, asking what they’d be doing that day.

“Well, it’s Friday- so you know what that means, right?” She’d been a min for almost five years now, and it still shocked her every morning how her mom had done it- make lunch and breakfast for all the kids. Sansa felt like she could barely keep up now, and she only had one- moms were basically superheroes.

Ellie yelled her response, “Family Dinner Night!!!”

“That’s right, it is dinner tonight at Grampa Neddys. So we’ll be on our best behavior, right?” Knowing her daughter to get in trouble when Rickon and Shaggy were involved- Sansa wanted to hear her say she would be good.

Her little girl groaned- and Sansa felt like she could already see teenage Ellie in a four year old body, “Yes momma, I promise, okay? Will Aunt Arry be there?”

“No, I don’t think so sweetie- she’ll be back in a few days I think. She’s still out training with Brienne, remember? Anyway, tonight it’ll just be me and you, Gramps, Uncle Jon, and Uncle Rickon. It’ll be fun.” Sansa put the scrambled eggs on her daughters plate before seeing her nod and dig in.

All day Sansa watched her daughter play and thought about Sandor, and how much her little girl looked like him. It was almost ironic, that she spent years trying to forget all about him- only to be reminded every time she looked at her beautiful daughter.

Once they made it to her childhood home, Sansa could feel the excitement pouring off little Ellie. She loved seeing Ned, and Jon, and especially Rickon- but her favorite was always Shaggy. Sansa knew how much Ellie wanted a dog, but Sansa wasn’t sure if Ellie was ready for the responsibility yet. When Sansa and her siblings all got their own dogs, their father had told them- it would be them who had to walk the dog, feed the dog, pick up the dogs poop, and everything in between.

But Sansa didn’t want to wait until Ellie was nine, like Sansa had- she wanted a dog too. But she did want to wait another year or so until her little girl had a little more of a grasp on responsibility- instead of it just being a fun thing to play with.

It had been almost a two weeks since the last time they had family dinner, and almost a few years since they had everyone at the table- but after news of Theon’s death, then the wake and the service after that, the Starks hadn’t felt like celebrating the previous Friday.

“Ellie! Rickon- time to eat. Come on in, guys!” Sansa yelled out the backdoor, seeing the trio come running in when the word dinner was mentioned. Ellie loving the food her Grandpa Ned made every week, Rickon because- at twenty, when was he not hungry? And Shaggy came running, hoping someone would drop a little something on the floor- usually Ellie had the big vacuum cleaner of a dog sitting right at her feet. He knew where he was most likely to find scraps, Shaggy wasn’t stupid.

The five of then sat at the table, almost ready to dig in when Ned spoke, “Alrighty, who’s turn is it to say grace?”

Ellie’s hand shot up- immediately knowing the answer and saying it before anyone could speak up.

“Mommy’s turn! It’s her turn.” The boys smiled at their little niece, and Ned at his beautiful granddaughter.

“That’s right it’s my turn, so let’s all hold hands and close our eyes, yea?” Ellie nodded her head, loving this part. The little rebel would open one eye to see if everyone else had their eyes closed, and tattle if she caught them.

Then deny she had her eyes open when she saw them do it.

“Okay, here we go. Father, bless the food before us. The family beside us. And the love between us. Amen.” Short and sweet was how they always did it, the tradition coming from years of Starks saying, ‘Ummm... I don’t know’ when asked to say grace. This was easy enough for a four year old to remember.

“Amen! Let’s eat.” All five of them said in unison- the sound of forks clanging and knives scraping immediately followed, all of them happy to be there.

After about an hour of good food, and funny stories from everyone around the table, Ellie was falling asleep in Sansa’s arms- Rickon left to go play his video games, and the three _real adults_ all had full bellies wine in they’re glasses.

Jon and Sansa has grown really close over the years, feeling like they were the only ones left. Robb off with his wife, Bran was part of some super smart research team up far north. Arya left all the time for her ‘special training’- whenever they asked she could only say, _I’m not at liberty to talk about it. Classified, you understand?_ And Rickon was here, but only a college student- not someone who was really involved in all the family drama as much as Sansa and Jon had been, the past few years. He had only been fifteen when Sandor left, basically still a baby.

That left Jon and Sansa to stay home, help Ned when he needed it- keep him company as he aged.

Ned needed his family, as much as they all needed it.

She had been zoning out when Sansa heard Jon talking about Sandor- talking about how much of an asshole he was for coming back.

“-ight? I mean, he must have some giant sized balls. To come back here, and think things could be the same, after what he’d done? Hell no! No... he’s a dick, and we shoulda seen it sooner. And to think I wanted to be just like him as a kid, ha-“ Sansa could hear that Jon was slurring a little bit, and knew Dad would start switching his drinks to water anytime soon.

But Sansa didn’t want to hear any more- these past few days, everyone she saw had something to say about the situation. And she was sick of it. All Sansa wanted was to forget about it for a moment- and she couldn’t even do that here.

“Hey c’mon... Let’s not, okay? I don’t- I don’t wanna talk about him.”   
Job swiveled his head towards her, hearing her soft tone of voice- he scoffed. 

“What? Why?”

Sansa sighed- not wanting to get into it, “Everyone just keeps making assumptions, and telling me what I should do- and I just don’t think everyone knows the full story...”

“Oh, and you do?“ She knew this would turn into a fight, Jon hated seeing Sansa cry- and he had seen a lot of it over Sandor these past few years.

“No, but-“

“Did he say something to you? You know it’s probably all bullshit, right? Him just trying to save face while he’s in town!” Sansa also knew how Jon felt about the situation- but he wasn’t the only one who had a little more wine that usual tonight, which made her open her mouth about personal subjects even further than normal.

“No he didnt say anything to me- but yesterday I went by Pop’s place to drop off that casserole dish, and I didn’t mean to eavesdrop... but I heard them talking and I think there’s more to the story than we knew.”   
Jon started laughing, in a way she knew was fake, before staring back at her straight faced.

“No- no. Sanny have you forgotten what he did? How he left you on your wedding day without a word? Tell me you didn’t forget all those months of crying- cuz I certainly haven’t. I can’t forget that.“ She knew he was only trying to protect her, and Sansa appreciated it- but this was exactly what had happened all week? Everyone else telling her what was right? Why couldn’t _she_ just take a minute to think about it on her own?

“No I haven’t forgotten, but-“

Jon cut her off, “But what?“

“There are things you don’t know about Sandor’s life.“

“What things?“ Sansa huffed at Jon.

“I... I can’t tell you that. It’s personal.”

“So there’s some ‘secret’ reason that _nobody_ knows about- except you of course, that your only mentioning now.... that might somehow make up for him leaving you and Ellie? Is that what your saying?” Ned was looking between the two and knew they only needed to get it out. That it might get a little heated, but that this was something that needed to be said.

“No Jon- don’t you think I know that theres nothing he can say, that can make up for Ellie not having a dad for all these years, huh? I know- and, I just- I’m confused.“ Sansa started to get choked up, and it immediately calmed Jon down- knowing this was hard for her.

Softer than before, “What is there to be confused about? I just don’t get it...”

Sansa ribbed Ellie’s back, her daughter sleeping through all the yelling going on around her, “After what I heard- my head is telling me to be rational, that I should hear him out. But my heart- it feels like my heart can’t forget how much he hurt me, or how much I loved him.“

And a deep dark part of her was scared that she might still love him.

“Oh, Sanny.” Jon got up and enveloped the two girls in a hug, hoping Ellie wouldn’t wake up.

Ned watched his two kids that had stayed closest to home, the love he had for them growing each and every day that he had known them, “Jon, can you take Ellie for a bit? I want to Sansa upstairs, okay?”

Sansa looked up at her Dad- like the principal calling you into his office, she didn’t think she’d done anything wrong. But still she followed, after transferring Ellie into Jon’s arms.

Her father walked towards his study, with her right behind him. Ned closed the door before walking Sansa to the couch in the corner of the room. Sansa sat while Ned was still standing, looking at the official family photo, they had taken almost 3 years ago. Before Cat died. 

It was silent for a while, the two of them just waiting for Ned to speak. Finally he moved behind his desk, looking for a photo he knew he had in the bottom drawer. All the way back from when Sansa was 15. It was all the kids together- the whole Stark gang, Theon and Jon laughing on one side, Bronn with Robbs head in a friendly lock, and baby Sansa staring longingly at Sandor, who stood right beside her. 

“Oh Sansa, everyday I look at you- and see your mother.”

“Dad....“ Sansa didn’t want to see her Dad in pain, and knew this was tough.

“I don’tknow if you know this, but before we found out your mother was sick, she and I had been fighting for months. She was still mad that I gave my blessing to Robb-“ Ned finished with a small laugh.

“Well it’s not a secret, we all know Robb was her favorite.“

Ned laughed again, not denying one of his wife’s greatest flaws- how obvious she was in showing her preferences to the family.

“She didn’t like that I hadn’t stopped Robb from moving to Volantis with Talisa- she was convinced that if I had asked him not to, he wouldn’t have gone. But I thought it would be better for him to get some distance, that it might make him grow up, to get some space from Cat.“

Sansa nodded, remembering the screaming matches she had heard from time to time when she had been over a few years earlier. But she hadn’t thought it had been that bad between her parents.

“I loved her with everything I had, so when we found out she was sick- that it was so advanced.... That she only had a few months left- I was so angry at myself. That I had wasted precious months with my beloved- fighting about something so petty.“ 

Sansa almost started crying, having only seen her father cry a few times in her life- seeing the tears brim in his eyes, was hard to look at.

“After she was gone, it took a long time to forgive myself. I thought, maybe if we had still been as close as we had been only a few months earlier- maybe I would have noticed something...”

Immediately she shook her head, “Daddy no- the doctors said there was nothing we could have done. No way we could have known. The cancer had been there for years, even mom didn’t know anything was wrong.”

Ned nodded, “Rationally, I know that. But when you lose your other half, you doubt everything- imagine scenarios where you could’ve fixed it if you’d only done this, or done that.”   


He took a big breath, waited a moment before continuing, “ My point is, life is precious- love is precious.... that anything can happen. And I don’t want you to have _any_ regrets. And that doesn’t mean I’m telling you to forgive him, or not to. I’m just saying that if you believe your love is once in a lifetime- don’t let anyone else’s opinions alter your course. I have to live with the knowledge that I could have had more time with your mother, and we wasted it on some little thing. I don’t want that for you. Don’t live with regrets. Ask questions. Get answers- if that’s what you need.”

Sansa grabbed a tissue from the box beside the lamp, and closed her eyes- thinking over what her father told her. All that he had gone through- things she hadn’t known. And all she could think about was how so many people had secrets- had awful feelings festering in their hearts, not telling a soul of their troubles.

And Sansa didn’t want that feeling for herself, not anymore.

She looked up to see her dad holding the photo he had been looking at, before motioning her to take it.

“I had never seen my baby girl look at anyone like that, and all of a sudden your givin’ goo goo eyes to some older boy. And all I could think was, _Why him_? When you were ten, I thought it was some crush. Then at 12- just a phase. At 15, I wanted to lock you up for looking at some 19 year old like that.” She laughed at the memories, knowing Sandor had been older than her- and at the time it hadn’t seemed strange. But thinking about Ellie, she couldn’t imagine her being with a boy four years her senior at such a young age.   
But she was in love.

“Then when you were 17, he came to see me. Told me how you wanted him to take you to prom- and how he would never want to disrespect me, how he would wait if I wanted him too. And I did want that at first- why would some 21 year old man want to go out with a... kid? Then I realized he wasn’t just any 21 year old. He was Sandor- he had been part of the family since the day he got to Winterfell. And I knew him, trusted him. So I said yes.” Ned sat on the table in front of her and took her other hand, the one not holding the photo.

Her father gave her hand a final squeeze, before continuing on, “And I’ve never regretted that I did. I still don’t- Ellie wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. I do hate that he hurt you. But it doesn’t matter what I think, or what I feel- your a big girl, and you need to decide what’s best for you.Because despite how much this town thinks it knows, no one knows you- but you. And no one knows what’s best for you and Ellie, except you. So do what you think is best, baby.”

Sansa nodded her head before getting up and giving her father a kiss. She left that evening with the photo in her purse, still unsure of what she was going to do- but finally trusting herself to make the decision when the time is right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think??? Of Jon? Of Ned? How is it?


	9. Chapter 9

Sansa sat beside her father, with Jon on the other side- as they listened for Elder Brother to begin his sermon. She casually tried to look around the room, wondering maybe- 

No.   
  
She wouldn’t look for him.

Sansa was in the middle of scolding herself, when Elder Brother began to speak, “I’m not going to preach today- instead I just want to talk to all of you. I want to talk to you about me- about myself... Some of you might think I don’t struggle with my faith- you’re wrong. I do. I have struggled and I’ve struggled recently. I have doubted Him, I’ve screamed at Him- why? Why? That is the question. It is always question.“

Sansa nodded her head, hearing his pain and feeling it herself. Having asked herself that question so many times before- and about so many different things.

“It’s a terrible thing to outlive your child. Something I could never wish on even my worst enemy. Something so awful- it makes you think. Makes you ask, why? I’ve been in this church for decades, even before I became your minister- I was a lowly assistant pastor, and before that as a young man, I was a very passionate alter boy... My point being, I’ve been here for as long as I can remember- which means Ive been here longer than most of you- I’ve married almost all of you to someone or another. I’ve baptized almost every child here- and I’ve helped guide you through great loss. I’ve been your shepherd, when we have lost a member of our community-“ He paused at this, and Sansa knew he was going to talk about Theon.

“So when my son was tragically taken from us, I felt it was my duty to guide you again- and it was almost easier for me, to come up here and do my job.... The hard part- as I’m sure so many of you know, was going home. The hard part was stepping through my house, and knowing I would never again see him at my table.”

Looking to her side, Sansa saw Ned lower his head- and her hand shot out to hold onto his, knowing he thoroughly knew the feeling.

“And I know many have felt this pain over the years- and only that kept me going.... That I was not alone in my pain- all of you are what keeps me going. So I want to take a moment to thank you all- to thank you for your prayers, for your support, and most of all your love. If all of y’all could close your eyes and take a moment and think, think about someone who’s lent you their silent strength, through any of your trials. Take a moment and thank them- whether they are here beside you or silently in your head..... Alright, let’s pray.”

The sermon continued for another forty minutes or so- filled with nods and claps, with Elder Brother bringing people together as a community once a week. Every week he truly was the shepherd of this little town- and Sansa knew the people were grateful.

After the service had finished up, everyone started heading out- while Sansa headed to the little Sunday school in the back, to pick up Ellie before leaving.

The two girls were walking down the aisle heading towards the exit, seeing Elder Brother at the doors- shaking hands and smiling at his flock as they left.

“Pops!!!” Ellie yelled and ran towards the older man, immediately a toothy smile graced Elder Brothers face.

“Hey there, little lady. Learn anything today?” He scooped her up and Sansa smiled.

“Eh, not really.. Ms Andrews is soooo boring.” Pops let out a laugh at her dramatic response before shifting his eyes to Sansa.

“It was beautiful, what you said today.”

Sansa watched the man give a small blush before responding, “Thank you, San. I try my best- some weeks I think I’m putting people straight to sleep. More like Ms Andrews apparently, is what I feel like.”

“No- never like Ms Andrews.” Pops laughed at her joke, before walking her out and towards her car.

“Well, again I will say thank you- and another thank you for returning my casserole dish.” Sansa’s face fell at that- feeling like she was back in middle school. Afraid she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Pop, I didn’t mea-“ he waved her off with a smile.

“I think it’s good- you _returned_ my dish. At the perfect time too, I was about to make something new.” Sansa could read between the lines, he wasn’t talking about any dish- he was talking about how it was good she heard what she did.

“Oh- is he.... Is he here?” Elder Brother shook his head, as Sansa opened the back door. He put Ellie in her car seat and buckled her up, before closing the door.

“I love you, girly. You know that- you were one of the people I thought of in my prayers today. One of the people I thanked- for all that you’ve given me. For all that you continue to give me, I am forever grateful you let me be Ellie’s Pop. You could have shut me out, all those years ago- and you didn’t. I love you both.” Tears were brimming in both of their eyes, before Elder Brother leaned over and left with a kiss on her cheek.

He was almost back inside when she called after him, “I love you too!”

It was as she was driving and singing along to one of Ellie’s obnoxious songs, that Sansa really thought about what Pop had said.

_I love you both._

Was he talking about her and Ellie- because she knew he loved her and her daughter.

Or was is something else?

_I love you both._

Was he talking about her and Sandor?Was he telling her how much he loved her- while at the same time, saying he loved his own son as well. Saying he loved them together.

It was a though that made her swallow harder than she preferred, only now thinking how hard this must be on Elder Brother. Having just lost one son, only to have another son come home- and the whole town hated him. How he wasn’t choosing Sansa or Sandor, but having to hear them both out... And be understanding of each side. 

Sansa was still thinking about all this, when she pulled up to her house- and saw someone that instantly put a smile on her face. “Look who it is....” 

The singing stopped for a moment, while Ellie looked out the window- “Ahhhh!!! It’s Aunt Arry!!!”

The two of then were inseparable- a duo that made trouble wherever they went. Sansa knew Ellie loved whenever Arya was home, as with her sisters _mysterious_ training- it wasn’t often she was here for long stretches. 

As soon as Sansa unbuckled her little girl, she was flying from her seat.

“Aryaaaaa!” Sansa watched the troublemakers walk ahead into the house, forgetting all about her- making her do the Mom juggle. Everything- lunchbox, cardigan, backpack, and anything else in between, was hers to carry.

Walking in she heard a conversation they had every time they saw each other, “I need some time with my favorite niece, of course.”

Arya laughed at what Sansa was assuming, was Ellie’s crossed arms, “I’m your only niece, Auntie.”

Sansa came in as Arya tapped Ellie in the nose, “Exactly.”

The heaviness of the week, was only now, really weighing on her- and she knew she needed a break, “Now that your here, maybe I can finally head to the grocery store. Is that okay with you?”

Knowing this might be her only chance, Sansa directed this question at Arya, before seeing a nod. And then a very intense raise of eyebrows, “Sure, that’s fine. But we’ll be having a talk later. A very serious talk.” Knowing this was coming, only made Sansa sigh. Her sister had a very black and white sense of looking at things- she knew if she told Arya she was even thinking about forgiving Sandor- Arya would freak.

And she wouldn’t blame her. Sansa didn’t know what she was doing anymore. Everything was so confusing.

That was exactly why she needed some space- a moment of silence in an otherwise loud life. Sansa got in the car, with the intention of eventually driving to the supermarket- but that wasn’t where she ended up. Instead she was somewhere she came often. 

The hill behind Howland Reeds farm, the spot where the sunset would look just perfect on a Friday afternoon, after work or after school- it was their spot.

She came here whenever things got heavy- whenever Sansa needed some space. 

Sansa was walking up the hill- still wearing her Sunday best, when her step stuttered. Someone was already sitting there. Someone she recognized.

A someone she would recognize no matter where she was.

Sandor.

Trying to be the bigger person, Sansa walked up behind him- ready to be casual.

And instead wound up scaring him, and looking like a creep, “So you don’t go to church anymore?” 

He was obviously startled and flinched at her voice, but stayed seated and tried calming his voice.

“No, it just- doesn’t feel right anymore. I only ever went cause Pop made me- but after I left, any other preacher just didn’t sound right to me anymore.”

Sandor was about to say something, needing to say anything about their situation, “Sansa, I-“

“Sandor, wait... I have to tell you something . A couple of nights ago, I went by Pops place to drop something off- and I overheard the two of you talking.” She pulled out the towel she had brought with her- before sitting down beside him.

He nodded his head, thinking about what she had said- having been surprised she had shown up at all when she saw he was sitting here, “Ahh... so that’s why your sitting here? I gotta tell you- I was shocked it was you. Thought you’d be ready to kick me out of our spot, if you saw me. Now it makes sense.”

Sansa blushes at being called out, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop-“ 

“Nah- its okay... after everything that’s happened there’s nothing you should be sorry about. Did you hear it all?”

Slowly she nodded her head, “Yeah. At least, I think so.”

There was silence for a few minutes, the two of then sitting there- neither one knowing what to say, after all this time.

So Sansa was the one to break it, “Sandor, you should have told me. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve understood about Gregor...”

He didn’t respond for a moment or two, “I could hardly understand my feelings about what I thought was gonna happen.. How could I even begin to describe it to you? How could I tell you with one breath that I love you- and in the same, say I thought my homicidal brother was gonna kill you, because of me. How could I vow to cherish and protect you, when I knew I couldn’t protect you from him?”

Sandor continued in almost one breath, “All I can say is- on our wedding day, I was full of nerves and adrenaline.... And thoughts- terrible thoughts. Thoughts of what he might do to you, if you were by my side. I wasn’t thinking very clearly that day- anytime I thought of Gregor I was an idiot... it doesn’t excuse anything, but-I’m glad you know, now.” 

Her hands shook, understanding the words he was saying- but not grasping what they actually meant, “Would you have ever told me? “  
  


She wasn’t ready to hear his response- not knowing what it might be. But she knew Sandor- knew how secretive and private he was.

And that’s what worried her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some actual talking between SanSan!!! Tell me what you think. Is it too angsty? Or is angst okay? Let me know...


	10. Chapter 10

Her hands shook, understanding the words he was saying- but not grasping what they actually meant, “Would you have ever told me? “  
Sansa waited for him to respond- watching him look out at the setting sun, it was like waiting for a bomb to drop. Something she needed to know- but afraid of what the answer might be.

His eyes didn’t move to look at her- so Sansa knew he didn’t like what he was about to say, but he did it anyway, “I think so... Maybe I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t talked to Pop-“

“Why?” It was out of her mouth instantly- this being the core of everything. If this was really why he left- than she needed to know why he thought he couldn’t tell her.

He sighed, before glancing back at her for a moment, “Sansa, I’ve always had secrets, things I knew I couldnt talk about... As a kid, a little bit older than Ellie, even then I knew what Gregor was, up to a point- and I knew I couldn’t talk about it to anyone at school. Or they’d take me away from my Dad, from Elinor. I lived scared shitless everyday- but I STILL didn’t want to be taken away. Then after Gregor burned me- I didn’t tell anyone here in Winterfell what he’d done... I knew how they would look at me- with pity. And I couldn’t handle that either- the only exception being you. Then after our wedding- my secret was this place. This town... If my brother ever came for me, I would take the secret of you- and everyone I love- I would’ve taken it to the grave.”   
It wasn’t enough, she needed more.

“Trying to change who I am on a fundamental level is next to impossible- but finally telling someone, telling my Dad.... It made me realize life is too short to carry around secrets. That’s when I knew I needed to tell you- but actually doing it was going to be hard. But now I know you know- I can just breathe.“ Sansa put a hand on her head, hearing him and all that he said. After all the years she knew him- Sansa understood how private of a person he’d always been. She understood how hard it could be to change, how stationary of a man he’d always been- but she almost felt it wasn’t enough. That eventually there would be more, that it would take time to open him up and pull everything out of him.

“Shit.... That got dark, didn’t it?” He laughed- and despite how worked up she was... the strangeness of the whole situation pulled a giggle from her own chest as well.

“What are you even doing here? I didn’t see a car...” Sandor rubbed at the stubble on his jaw- suddenly feeling young again. Back to the way things were, just the two of them- hanging out, talking, laughing together.  
It was surreal.  
“After Pop left for church, I just didn’t know what to do with myself- so I started digging around. I found Bronn’s stash of alcohol- still in the same place he left it in high school.” He pointed at the unopened six pack sitting beside him.

“Then I just started walking- and suddenly I was here. Thought I might have a drink, but I’ve just been sitting here for a while.” He looked at her, and Sansa was struck by how familiar he felt.

“So you just walked here with a whole pack of beer? Classy.”   
Sandor chuckled at her, before grabbing a crumpled brown bag, and waving it at her.

“Hey- I kept it in a bag. Besides, I know the Sheriff would have been in church, so I wouldn’t have been caught anyway. So in the eyes of the law- I’m an innocent. Or as innocent as I can be in this town. Why? You want one?” He pulled one out, offering it to her- and after a moment, one that told her maybe this wasn’t such a great idea, she took it.

And suddenly she was 18 again- lukewarm beers, Sandor, and the scent of apples that came from the Reed’s place.   
  
And that’s what they did for a few hours- they talked, Sansa drank, they laughed. Sandor couldn’t keep his eyes off her, here they were- after all that happened, and for this small moment, it felt normal again. It felt like Sansa could forgive him, maybe.

He knew it wouldn’t be that easy- but this moment gave him hope, that maybe one day, she might not hate him.

The sun had just set, and for a few moments- the two of them would be in almost complete darkness, but they knew in a few minutes the stars would come out, and light up the sky. One of the only things that stayed the same after all this time- the stars didn’t change.

Even if the two of them did.

“You look different- lots of tatoos, your bigger of course- you never seem to stop growing.” Sansa was on her third beer by then, her tongue getting looser by the second.   
He laughed, before answering her- “I guess that’s true, I’ve always been big-“

She cut him off, “You don’t have to tell me- try birthing one of your giant spawn, that was awful..” 

Sansa burst out laughing at her own joke, not noticing how silent Sandor got at that.

He cleared his throat- trying his best to gloss over what she just said, not wanting anything to get too serious. Afraid anything like that would break the fragile peace they were enjoying at the moment.

“Umm, I uh- I cut my hair. It’s short now.” Sansa heard that there was something unsaid in that statement. He was implying something, that she obviously wasn’t getting.

“So? What does that mean?” She asked, and Sandor raised his brows- like it was obvious.  


“I always thought you liked short hair.”

What was he talking about?  
  
“I was gonna marry you- I obviously liked your hair just fine. It wasn’t a problem with me, I accepted who you were, it wasn’t like it was a surprise- I had always known what you looked like. It was never me that had a problem- it was always you.” She finished her statement with a poke from the bottle, she was a little more than tipsy- but at the moment she didn’t care. She wanted more. Needed it, if only to make herself relax.

He blushed at that- at her knowing his insecurities so well, and not being afraid to say them so bluntly, “Well I uh- I’m a lot prettier, now. Ain’t I?”

Sandor was obviously referencing the surgeries he’d had to try and fix the burns, finally having enough money to pay for the expensive doctors. And experimental treatments he’d gone through to get to this point.

“You’re scars never bothered me, Sandor. They were only ever a problem for you.” Sansa grabbed another beer and popped it open.

She took a sip, waiting for him to say something- but deciding she wasn’t done.   
“I tried moving on, y’know?”

His head snapped up at that, finally getting a glimpse into some of the five years he had missed- her whole life without him was a mystery he was dying to uncover.

“I tried pretty, but pretty isn’t so great when they’re ugly on the inside, yeah?” Sandor recognized those words, a vague memory from years prior.

“You warned me about them, when I was a stupid, little teenager. And did I listen- no.” Sansa gave a hollow laugh, one that shook him to the core- “But hey- maybe now, you’re closer to being like one of those pretty boys, huh?”

He was silent- knowing it might be true. Maybe he was slightly more attractive than what he might have been, but after what he’d done- maybe he was turning uglier by the second in the eyes of the only person who mattered.

In Sansa’s eyes- he might not admit it, but he had those surgeries for her- and he only made it worse. 

“Sometimes, I think I was just a lot more mature than you, sometimes not.  I think I just had to grow up really fast, cuz of Ellie.“ She was going though bottles of beer, like they were water- and if Sansa knew she could be a mean drunk, in the right circumstances.

His eyes flew to the floor, picking at the strings on the blanket she sat on, “I’m sorry...”

Sansa belted out a hallow laugh, “Does it matter? Your ‘sorry’?”   
He gulped knowing to her, it shouldn’t matter- ‘sorry’s’ weren’t enough. Not after five years. Words wouldn’t be enough.

“But I wasn’t just some wilting flower, I tried moving on- despite having a daughter, I am still very pretty, and very young.“

Her hands were starting to move in all different directions while she talked, beer spilling over the both of them during her passionate speech, “And very drunk. Let’s get ya home young, pretty lady.“

She smiled right at him, her drunkenness masking her real emotions towards him, at the moment her words were hard- but her body was loose. Sandor tried helping her to her feet, only for her long legs to buckle when she stood, so he put his hands beneath her legs and picked her up bridal style. Opening her purse he took out the keys, and put the pink thing over his shoulder.  


“In ya go, missy.” Sandor laid her in the backseat, knowing it might be better for her to stretch out, at the moment.

She looked up at him with those big, blue eyes, “What? I’m not your little bird anymore? Don’t worry, your definitely not my Sandy- we just don’t know each other anymore, huh?“

Damn- her words were ice cold. They tore through him, but he got behind the wheel anyway.

“This is fine. Ima big girl, I can handle it.“ Her voice broke then, “ But El doesn’t get a daddy- and that’s not fair.“

Sandor had been about to speak, when she cut him off- going on what would be a long rant.

“Sometimes I really hate you.  And then you come here- and you seem all sad and sorry. And it makes me- you always told me not to be a pushover or a doormat.... but you- you make me wanna tell you it’s okay.”   
He could hear she was crying by now, an angry cry, a drunk cry, a sad cry- “Because you’re you. And cuz i’love you. But that’s not fair, Sandy. It’s not fair what you do to me- how you make me feel. Sometimes I hate you- I hate you cuz I still love you. And I hate myself for it. Because I’m weak. I am a doormat. I let people- I let _men_ , walk all over me because of what you did. Because I’m so afraid people will leave me. How pathetic is that? I’m not strong, you left me to do stupid things. To be stupid. You left and I was back to being that stupid girl.”

Sandor pulled to a stop, in what he assumed was her driveway.

But he couldn’t let her continue, “Your not stupid. And your not pathetic. C’mon Sansa let’s get you inside, you gotta sleep this off. Your drunk.“

As he was trying to get her out of the back seat, she kicked at him- obviously angry, “I am drunk. I get to be drunk. You left to go party and be famous, for whatever reason. And I turned into a mom. Not that I regret Ellie in any way- but I had to be a grown up, I had to be serious. I didn’t get to fuck up my whole life like you did. I had someone relying on me. Someone I couldn’t leave, no matter what I felt. You think your the only one who’s ever shed a tear, mom died while you were gone! And I was alone, and scared- but still I had responsibilities. I had to put my Dad back together, so I didn’t have the privilege of enough time to grieve- because on top of my Dad, I still had to be a mom. You don’t get to tell me what to do, you lost that privilege a long time ago. I’m not your girl, anymore.“

Suddenly she lost her fire, and slumped back down- her arm covering her wet face, “It didn’t have to be that way, but there are consequences to your actions, Sandy. And you can’t just come back, and make me love you all over again- it’s mean. It’s not nice, baby.“

Sandor could only nod, “I know, I know. C’mon.” 

He picked her up and walked toward the porch, put the key in the door- and prayed there wasn’t an alarm. Up the stairs he went and opened the first door Sandor saw- feeling a bit of luck that it was the right room. Sandor took off her shoes, and tucked her in.

He thought she had been asleep, but was wrong yet again, “How didya know where I lived?”

“I asked around- nobody told me jack. But I don’t have a car, and I was walking home the other day, and I saw you on your porch. I was too much of a chicken to say anything. So I kept walking- praying you wouldn’t see me and think I was stalking you.” Sansa snorted at that and he smiled right along with her- the whole intense day needing a bit of a laugh. Eventually she turned on her side- a snore immediately leaving her, and she was finally asleep.

Sandor got up, and before he could leave- pressed a kiss to her head.

He tried leaving the house as silent as possible- not wanting Sansa to get in trouble, Ellie to wake up, or having someone thinking he broke in.

Luck was not on his side this time however, as he closed the door and turned the corner- a small body ran straight into his.

He looked down into steely, angry eyes- and knew he was in for it.

“What the fuck are _you_ doing here, hound?”   
  
Arya Stark.

Someone who wouldn’t care what he had to say- someone who might actually try to fight him, someone he had once been close with.

Someone else he left behind. Someone who might actually want to fight him- someone he might lose to. 


	11. Chapter 11

Pain.

That’s all Sansa felt when she woke up- her head felt like it had split open. The sun shone through her bedside window, making her eyes squeeze shut- hoping if she squeezed hard enough, it might lessen the pain.   
It didn’t.

Sansa could hardly remember the last time she had drank that much- the last time probably being her bachelorette party. Though she hadn’t been twenty one yet- it didn’t stop Marge from constantly keeping the liquor coming. And despite only being five years older than she was then, she felt a million years older. She felt like a totally different person- so it was hard to recognize the way she had acted the night before. Sansa could only blame her drinking from the night prior, being from the emotional tornado the last week had caused.

She glanced at the clock on her bedside table- and shot up.   
Not a good idea.

Sansa felt woozy- and confused, it was almost noon. Ellie should have woken her by now, and again- Sansa was grateful Arya was here.

She stumbled out of her room, knowing the headache medicine in the kitchen was going to be necessary.   
“Momma! You’re finally up, oh my god- we’ve been waiting forever.” Sansa smiles at her daughter, while internally cringing- her voice being way louder than what Sansa was ready for.

“No need to scream, little lady. I’m right here.” She headed for the cabinet next to the fridge, scrambling for some ibuprofen.

“I wanted to make pancakes this morning, cause it’s a day off of kindergarten- but Arya said not to wake you. And she can’t cook, so we had cereal... boring. But don’t tell her, okay?” As Ellie whispered the last part, her sister came walking through to the table.   
“Looking for these?” She shook the bottle, and Sansa internally cheered.

“Thank god- yes. Thank you.” Sansa filled a cup of water and took the bottle from her sister, while Ellie babbled on and on. Neither of them really listening, “And thank you, for watching Ellie last night, I don’t- I can’t explain why, but I needed it and yo-“

She had sat down beside Arya, when she really got a good look at her sisters hands- they were red and raw. 

“Oh my god- Arya! Your hands, what happened?” Sansa was busy inspecting her sisters hand, and didn’t see the smirk that graced Arya’a face.   
Quickly she hid it, when Sansa looked up, “Oh this?” Arya gestured at her hands, “It’s nothing. Just some training with Brienne, we did some hand to hand. Bare-fist- but I’ll make sure to wrap my hands next time.”

Sansa nodded her head, “Oh- I’m sorry. I didn’t even notice it yesterday- my head must have been in the clouds. Let me get you some Neosporin.”

Arya felt a little bad, that she was lying to her sister- that she was so good at it. That Sansa bought it so easily, only proving to herself that she was getting deadlier and deadlier, the more she trained.   
“No, it’s fine. I already cleaned em up. Got to learn how to treat that kind of stuff on the fly- won’t always have Neosporin when I’m out on my own, y’know?” She could see the worry in Sansa’s eyes, at the mention of her ‘missions’- none of her family really knowing how deeply involved in the government she really was. But all of them knew she was involved with something- something secret, and dangerous.

“Oh. Right- I forgot, sorry. Are you staying here today, or are you heading out?” Sansa pulled Ellie into her lap, nodding along when she was asked to draw a unicorn.

“I think I’m heading to Dad's today, then more training with Brienne- but I’ll be home for dinner.” Ellie cheered at that, and Sansa smiled along with her- talking about they’d have to go grocery shopping, because she forgot to do it the day before.

Only making Arya think about why she had forgotten- think about who brought her home. It made her think about her hands- how she’d hit with her emotions, and not the precision she knew she possessed, the night before. Her punches were rookie hits- she hadn’t fought like that since she started out, hadn’t been that out of control in a long time. Arya liked to think about how professional she was in her missions, how precise she knew she was when fighting her adversaries.   
And she hadn’t been professional- or precise last night. Her hits had been erratic and messy, Arya was disappointed in herself.

She was embarrassed by her bloody knuckles, knowing they showed how her emotions had gotten the better of her. Sandor had deserved it, and it felt good- god, did it feel good to hit him. But hitting him had been like hitting a wall, even his face was hard.

Arya liked to think Sansa would probably feel a lot better, if she’d just hit him too- but her sister wasn’t like her.

She’d always been more of a ’use your words’ kind of girl, rather than fixing her problems with her fists.

Thank god it was Sansa who had gotten pregnant- Arya would have made a terrible mom. Her sister disagrees, thought one day she might change her mind- but Arya knew that she would never be that kind of person- motherhood wasn’t for her. And that was okay, she’d be fine with being the _cool aunt_ type.   
“Well I’m gonna want some lemon bars tonight, so you two better get on it, yeah? See ya later Sansy pants, Ellie belly.” Arya gave them a little salute, and left the house while they laughed.

“Byeeeeee!!!” The yell that followed the door closing made Arya smile- the only plus the whole family had gotten from Sandor.   
Sandor.

God, she hated him. It hadn’t always been that way, before he left Arya had really liked him. Loved him even, he was another brother to her- he had even been the one to introduce her to Brienne. When Sandor had been about twenty one or so, Brienne had approached him- his size and orphan status making him a prime candidate for the program. He hadn’t wanted to join, fought Brienne about it- and lost, but left a lasting impression on the big, brawny girl.

When Sandor had introduced them at his bachelor party, they had been the only two ladies present- and Arya wanted in. She wanted in on whatever it was that Brienne was a part of- and she had said no. That she wasn’t the right type.   
Arya was too small. She had too much family, was too young- Brienne had said it all. And Arya proved her wrong.

She had become one of the brightest in her class, had graduated the academy with top marks. Became an agent that could go undetected- no one thought a tiny little girl could ever inflict the kind of damage she left behind.   
But she did- and that’s why she was perfect.

She made the academy rethink they’re recruiting programs- made them think twice about the brawny types. The brawny types didn’t have much subtlety- and were usually easily memorable.

She had loved Sandor- and he betrayed her. Betrayed her whole family- had left us all. And Arya didn’t forget.   
He was on her list.

Her shit list- and he wouldn’t come off it any time soon.

————————————————

Sansa was packing the grocery bags in her trunk, when she heard Ellie yell out.   
“Hey, we know that guy!” She turned her head and looked to see her daughter pointing at a big man.

A man that could only be Sandor, he was a little far out, but was heading their way.   
“What’s wrong with his face?” Sansa had been about to snap at her daughter, tell her not to be so rude- but stopped as he got closer.   
There was something on his face- bruises.

Bruises that hadn’t been there late last night.

“Sandor!” Sansa called out, watching as Sandor spotted them- changing his direction from the store to the parking lot.

Slowly he approached them, sheepishly trying to hide his face. 

“Hey ladies- Sansa, El- Ellie. How y’all doing?” Sandor tried to act casual, but Sansa was struck dumb at the bruises under both his eyes, the cut on the bridge of his nose. Someone had beat the shit out of him.

It was Ellie who answered while Sansa stared, “Hey there, Mister Sand- I don’t remember, sorry.”

Sandor laughed at the little girl, only showing the small split on his upper lip, “It’s okay, I do look a _little_ different since the last time you saw me. My name is Sand-“

Finally she found her voice, “Sandor, oh my god! What happened?”  
His eyebrows raised, as if he were shocked she didn’t know- and for one tiny second, Sansa was afraid it had been her who had hit him- but then thought she would have known if she’d hit him over and over like that.

“Oh- um...” That’s when it hit her.

His face.

Her hands. Her sister.

”Jesus- Arya?” Sansa asked and watched as he slowly nodded his head.

“Yeah...” She knew her sister had a mean streak in her- and knew she’d probably want to lay into Sandor.

She didn’t think Arya would actually do it.   
“What? You just let her... like, beat you up? Why didn’t you- defend yourself or something?” Sansa was putting Ellie into her car seat when she saw Sandor frown.

“No, I would never hit- or hit back at Arya- or any woman. You know that.” And she did. She knew he would never do something like that, not after watching his dad and Gregor beat on both his mom and his sister- that was something she was sure he wouldn’t do.  
“Yeah, I know but... You should’ve at least pushed her away or something- she’s crazy.” Sandor laughed and watched Ellie wave at him as Sansa closed the door.

“Well, we’ve always known that.” Sansa couldn’t help but smile, feeling like it was almost like the old days between the two of them.

“Yea, but now she’s crazy- and has like ‘special training’ or something to make it worse.” She watched as Sandor gestured to his face and nod at her statement.

And she felt bad.   
Maybe if she’d talked to Arya before she left, she might have been able to cool her down. If she’d been able to get herself through the door, maybe Arya wouldn’t have seen him.

“Well I feel terrible, regardless of whatever happened- she shouldn’t have done that.” Sandor waved her off, trying to act casual and dismiss her apology- not liking that Sansa felt like it was her fault.

“No, I do. I’m sorry she did that, especially after you took me home. Let me make it up to you, come to dinner- I’ll make her apologize... and mean it. I promise.” Sansa shocked herself at her offer- wondering if it was the best idea, but already having made the offer.

“Really? You sure? I wouldn’t want to impose, Sansa.” His eyes were staring deep into her own, looking for doubts- because as much as she knew him. He knew Sansa, too.   
“Yeah. I’m sure, it’ll be fine. Seven o’clock.” Sana’a got into the driver seat, and felt her heart flutter, when she looked out the window, and saw him smiling as she drove off.   
“God, what am I doing?” She felt her heart flutter for a different reason- fear at what might happen making her heart beat faster.

She was almost past the point of panicking when her little girl cut in, “You know- it’s not nice to interrupt, Momma. That mister was trying to tell me his name.”

Sansa looked in the mirror back at her little girl, “His name is Sandor, baby. He’s coming for dinner tonight, okay?”

She let out a big breath as Ellie nodded, trying not to think about how bad this whole night could go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think? I love hearing from all of you. Thanks to those of you who have commented, it keeps me motivated- and makes me want to write faster! So thanks so much!! Love ya!


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